The word 'asexual' has been used by humans describing themselves for several decades; 'aromantic' is newer. Both words enable people to voice identities that were unacknowledged for centuries, to find each other and build communities together, and to provide counternarratives to what the allosexuals are pushing.
Read moreAllusionist 130. Valentine
St Valentine's name may nowadays be all over the romance-related merch for 14 February, but he was also the patron saint of beekeepers, epilepsy and plagues. Let's get to know this multi-hyphenate saint a bit better.
Read moreAllusionist 101. Two Or More
Oysters, fragrances, canoeing, space stations, God, hats, and of course people - the word ‘bisexual’ has described a great deal of different things, with different meanings, in its fairly short existence. And that whole time, it has had a pretty bumpy ride.
Read moreAllusionist 72. Hey
"Hey."
"Going to the supermarket, want me to get you anything?"
"Puppies or ice cream?"
"What's your glasses prescription?"
"I wanna ***** your *********."
If you've used a dating app, maybe you've received one of the above messages from a stranger, or sent them. Striking up an interaction with someone is a tricky business. Why Oh Why and The Longest Shortest Time host Andrea Silenzi opens up her phone to analyse the kinds of opening messages people send on dating apps, and how easily they can land badly.
Read moreAllusionist 50: Under the Covers - part I
Escape into the loving embrace of a romance novel - although don't think you'll be able to escape gender politics while you're in there. Bea and Leah Koch, proprietors of the romance-only bookstore The Ripped Bodice, consider the genre; and publisher Lisa Milton scrolls through the 109-year history of the imprint that epitomises romance novels, Mills & Boon.
Read moreAllusionist 29: WLTM part II
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You're looking for your perfect partner, but dating sites keep matching you with duds. So what do you do? Conduct an elaborate linguistic experiment, of course!
At least, that was futurist Amy Webb's response.
Spreadsheets were involved. For what is the pursuit of love without spreadsheets?
NOTE: A number of you have written to posit that Amy's date who claimed to be an orthopaedic surgeon was saying 'anaesthetist', which is a legit job. Amy couldn't pronounce his mispronunciation, but he actually kept saying 'anestethist', which is not a legit job. (He also happened to know very little about orthopaedic surgery, but a lot about carpentry. You're allowed to say you're a carpenter if you're a carpenter, sir!)
SUPPLEMENTARY MATERIALS:
Watch (or read) Amy's TED talk: 'How I Hacked Online Dating'.
There's far more detail about Amy's experiment in her very enjoyable book Data: A Love Story. Read an extract here.
A mathematician did is own experiment with OK Cupid.
OkCupid used to keep an interesting blog in which they analysed their own data. TL:DR? Here's a summary.
Here's a history of 'cute'...
...and one of 'adorkable'.
inwhiches.tumblr.com - go!
There's a transcript of this episode here.
Do me a favour? / Want to appear in an upcoming show?
Go to a quiet place, and record yourself on whatever you’ve got - phone voice memo is fine - and tell me the worst thing you said to someone to break up with them. Or the worst thing someone said to you to break up with you.
By ‘worst’, I do mean ‘worst that you can kind of find funny now’ rather than something that will emotionally devastate you afresh to recount in this forum.
Send recordings to allusionistshow@gmail.com, if you’re willing for me to use them in the show. It’ll be anonymous, apart from your voice.
RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
spavin
CREDITS:
Amy Webb is the founder and CEO of Webbmedia Group and the author of Data: A Love Story. She is @webbmedia on Twitter. She would also like to point out that what worked for HER might not work for YOU, so don't just copy her home-made algorithm wholesale, ok? Build your own!
This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, with editorial aid from Julie Shapiro and Hrishikesh Hirway.
Aside from a quick blast of 'The Perfect Nanny' from Mary Poppins, all the music is by Martin Austwick.
Greet me at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman, but don't you dare refer to any of your body parts as 'The Captain'.
Back in a fortnight.
- HZ
Allusionist 28: WLTM part I
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Your online dating profile is the latest spin on a 300-year-old tradition of advertising yourself in order to find a spouse, a sexual partner, or someone to take care of your pigs.
Francesca Beauman, author of Shapely Ankle Preferr’d: A History of the Lonely Hearts Ad, digs into lonely hearts ads to see how British society and desires have evolved over the past three centuries.
WARNING: Some of the content is a little saucy, but not, like, swimming in sauce.
READING MATTER:
Reviews of hundreds of different dating sites? You got it.
I love reading the Blind Dates in the Guardian each Saturday, and The Guyliner’s dissection thereof shortly afterwards.
Atlas Obscura tests the Victorian seduction technique of reading aloud.
Not so much a lonely heart ad as a curious soul ad, but it resulted in one of the most intriguing books I’ve ever read: The Life Swap by Nancy Weber. Read about it here (NB spoilers).
Warlock: offensive term?
The transcript of this episode is at theallusionist.org/transcripts/wltm-i.
RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
extraposition
CREDITS:
Find Francesca Beauman at francescabeauman.com and buy her books, including the excellent Shapely Ankle Preferr’d, from your usual book-buying places.
This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman.
Martin Austwick provided all the music.
Matthew Crosby provided his voice.
Allusionist listeners provided their dating profiles, for which I am extremely grateful.
WLTM you at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman.
This is a two-parter, and the second half is an absolute belter, so return next week to hear it.
- HZ
Allusionist 26: Xmas Man
Historian Greg Jenner traces the origins of that mythical beardy man who turns up in December with gifts. And I ensure my permanent removal from everybody's Christmas card lists.
Read more