Allusionist 34: Continental

iTUNES • RSS • MP3

I'm not usually one to yearn for the past, but today, trying to find a clear definition for what a continent is, I find myself thinking, "Pangaea. One single continent. That was a simpler time."

Plus: more 'please'. Following the previous episode, listeners from several continents have contributed their local experience of 'please' usage, in what eventually will surely be considered the definitive global study of human niceties. Also, Lynne Murphy and Rachele De Felice return to explain how 'thank you' is not necessarily an expression of gratitude.  

TL;DR: trust nothing.

READING MATTER:

• Yeah but come on, what IS a continent? Anyone?

• How the continents - whatever the hell they are - got their names.

• Learn about Pangaea and Panthalassa, so you’re prepared when the next supercontinent shows up.

• How and why non-European countries can compete in the Eurovision Song Contest.

• Cincinnati Please.

• “This is a shocked pair of girls who have just heard the apologetic U.S. soldier say that he looked like a bum. In English slang, he said he looked like his own backside.” Thanks to listener Mike for sending me this 1942 advice for Americans visiting Britain. So many linguistic obstacles for transatlantic travel(l)ers!

• There's a transcript of this episode at theallusionist.org/transcripts/continental.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
rowel

CREDITS:

• Linguist and 'please' investigator Lynne Murphy's blog is separatedbyacommonlanguage.blogspot.com and she is @lynneguist on Twitter. Rachele De Felice is @racagain on Twitter.

• This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, with music by Martin Austwick. Martin's continental drift-inspired instrument-free instrumental was the result of combining boredom, Garageband for iPad and all the homemade percussion options offered by a B&B room in Utah.

- HZ

Allusionist 31: Post-Love

Breaking up is hard to do, and it's hard to put into appropriate words. Comedian Rosie Wilby seeks a better term for 'ex', and family law barrister Nick Allen runs through the vocabulary of divorce. NOTE: this episode is not full of bawdy talk,

iTUNES • RSS • MP3

Breaking up is hard to do, and it's hard to put into appropriate words.

Comedian Rosie Wilby seeks a better term for 'ex'; family law barrister Nick Allen runs through the vocabulary of divorce; and listeners share some of their worst break-up lines.

NOTE: this episode is not full of bawdy talk, but there are adult themes and a couple of category B swearwords.

A BIT (OF ADDITIONAL MATERIAL) ON THE SIDE:

• The Museum of Broken Relationships is coming to LA - do you have anything to exhibit?

• Listener Felipe reminded me about French artist Sophie Calle's Take Care Of Yourself, an exhibition about the email in which her boyfriend dumped her.

• Want more tales of break-ups? Get yourself to You Broke Up How?

• Here's Esther Perel on ghosting, AKA the coward's way out.

• Watch Rosie Wilby's TEDx talk 'Is Monogamy Dead?'

• Let the UK government explain the difference between civil partnership and same-sex marriage.

• Conscious uncoupling.

• Here's the transcript of the episode.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
quadrumanous

CREDITS:

• Rosie Wilby is a comedian and writer. You can find her live show dates, written work and more at rosiewilby.com and on Twitter @rosiewilby; you can hear her podcast, and her radio show Out in South London is on Resonance FM.

• Nick Allen is a family law barrister. I'm hoping you don't require the services of one of those, but if you do, Nick is the best.

• This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, with editorial help from Hrishikesh Hirway from Song Exploder. The music is by Martin Austwick.

• Don't go breaking my heart: let's keep our love alive at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman.

Meet you back here in a fortnight.

- HZ

Allusionist 29: WLTM part II

You're looking for your perfect partner, but dating sites keep matching you with duds. So what do you do? Conduct an elaborate linguistic experiment, of course! At least, that was futurist Amy Webb's response to the situation. But did it work?

iTUNES • RSS • MP3

You're looking for your perfect partner, but dating sites keep matching you with duds. So what do you do? Conduct an elaborate linguistic experiment, of course!

At least, that was futurist Amy Webb's response.

Spreadsheets were involved. For what is the pursuit of love without spreadsheets?

NOTE: A number of you have written to posit that Amy's date who claimed to be an orthopaedic surgeon was saying 'anaesthetist', which is a legit job. Amy couldn't pronounce his mispronunciation, but he actually kept saying 'anestethist', which is not a legit job. (He also happened to know very little about orthopaedic surgery, but a lot about carpentry. You're allowed to say you're a carpenter if you're a carpenter, sir!)

SUPPLEMENTARY MATERIALS:

• Watch (or read) Amy's TED talk: 'How I Hacked Online Dating'.

• There's far more detail about Amy's experiment in her very enjoyable book Data: A Love Story. Read an extract here.

• And here's an article she wrote about the data in dating.

• A mathematician did is own experiment with OK Cupid.

• OkCupid used to keep an interesting blog in which they analysed their own data. TL:DR? Here's a summary.

• And a linguist analysed OkCupid usernames.

• Cute as a button = urgent as pox?

• Here's a history of 'cute'...

• ...and one of 'adorkable'.

• inwhiches.tumblr.com - go!

• Missed WLTM part I? Here it is.

• There's a transcript of this episode here.

Do me a favour? / Want to appear in an upcoming show?
Go to a quiet place, and record yourself on whatever you’ve got - phone voice memo is fine - and tell me the worst thing you said to someone to break up with them. Or the worst thing someone said to you to break up with you.
By ‘worst’, I do mean ‘worst that you can kind of find funny now’ rather than something that will emotionally devastate you afresh to recount in this forum.
Send recordings to allusionistshow@gmail.com, if you’re willing for me to use them in the show. It’ll be anonymous, apart from your voice.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
spavin

CREDITS:

• Amy Webb is the founder and CEO of Webbmedia Group and the author of Data: A Love Story. She is @webbmedia on Twitter. She would also like to point out that what worked for HER might not work for YOU, so don't just copy her home-made algorithm wholesale, ok? Build your own!

• This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, with editorial aid from Julie Shapiro and Hrishikesh Hirway.

• Aside from a quick blast of 'The Perfect Nanny' from Mary Poppins, all the music is by Martin Austwick.

• Greet me at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman, but don't you dare refer to any of your body parts as 'The Captain'.

Back in a fortnight.

- HZ

Allusionist 28: WLTM part I

Your online dating profile is the latest spin on a 300-year-old tradition of advertising yourself in order to find a spouse, a sexual partner, or someone to take care of your pigs. Francesca Beauman, author of Shapely Ankle Preferr'd: A History of the ...

iTUNES • RSS • MP3

Your online dating profile is the latest spin on a 300-year-old tradition of advertising yourself in order to find a spouse, a sexual partner, or someone to take care of your pigs.

Francesca Beauman, author of Shapely Ankle Preferr’d: A History of the Lonely Hearts Ad, digs into lonely hearts ads to see how British society and desires have evolved over the past three centuries.

WARNING: Some of the content is a little saucy, but not, like, swimming in sauce.

READING MATTER:

• Reviews of hundreds of different dating sites? You got it.

• I love reading the Blind Dates in the Guardian each Saturday, and The Guyliner’s dissection thereof shortly afterwards.

• Atlas Obscura tests the Victorian seduction technique of reading aloud.

• Not so much a lonely heart ad as a curious soul ad, but it resulted in one of the most intriguing books I’ve ever read: The Life Swap by Nancy Weber. Read about it here (NB spoilers).

• Warlock: offensive term?

• The transcript of this episode is at theallusionist.org/transcripts/wltm-i.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
extraposition

CREDITS:

• Find Francesca Beauman at francescabeauman.com and buy her books, including the excellent Shapely Ankle Preferr’d, from your usual book-buying places.

• This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman.

• Martin Austwick provided all the music.

• Matthew Crosby provided his voice.

• Allusionist listeners provided their dating profiles, for which I am extremely grateful.

• WLTM you at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman.

This is a two-parter, and the second half is an absolute belter, so return next week to hear it.

- HZ

Allusionist 25: Toki Pona

There's a language which is said to be the smallest language in the world. It has around 123 words, five vowels, nine consonants, and apparently you can become fluent in it with around 30 hours' study. It was invented by linguist Sonja Lang in 2001,

iTUNES • RSS • MP3

There’s a language which is said to be the smallest language in the world. It has around 123 words, five vowels, nine consonants, and apparently you can become fluent in it with around 30 hours’ study. It was invented by linguist Sonja Lang in 2001, and it’s called Toki Pona.

And Nate DiMeo, from the Memory Palace, decided we should learn it together.

FURTHER READING:

• tokipona.org is your first stop for Toki Pona information, such as Sonja Lang's book and the Facebook group.

• This is the article that first piqued Nate's and my interest in Toki Pona. I also enjoyed reading about this two-day Toki Pona learning binge.

• A Finnish psychiatrist experimented with getting his patients to record their thoughts in Toki Pona every day.

• Hey, linguistic size queens: here's a piece comparing number of words in different languages, and here are some stats for you.

• I need to read In the Land of Invented Languages by Arika Okrent, who appeared in this early episode of 99% Invisible about Esperanto.

• There are a lot more invented languages; here are a few mentioned in this episode: Kēlen, Ithkuil, Blissymbols, Lojban, Klingon, Elvish, Na'vi...

• Here's the transcript of this episode.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
kobold

CREDITS:

• Nate DiMeo makes the beautiful podcast The Memory Palace thememorypalace.us.

• This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman. Thanks to Eleanor McDowall.

• Martin Austwick provided all the music apart from the instrumental version of Survivor's 'Eye of the Tiger'.

• Communicate with me minimalistically at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman.

- HZ

Allusionist 20: Baby Talk

Why do we all sound like idiots when we talk to babies? Don't be embarrassed, we're helping them acquire language. Child psychologist Ben Jeffes explains. There is more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/baby-talk.

iTUNES • RSS • MP3

Why do we all sound like idiots when we talk to babies? Don't be embarrassed, we're helping them acquire language. Child psychologist Ben Jeffes explains.

Caution: may cause flashbacks to the time you were trapped in the Why? Loop for six years.

WHO WANTS A WICKLE READ? YES YOU DO! YES YOU DO!

• Here's a comprehensive piece about how politeness sent 'thou' packing in favour of 'you'.

• What we refer to as 'baby talk' in the episode is also known as 'parentese', apparently.

• Here's a whopper of a New Yorker article about talking to children, and the differences arising from economics/class.

• Read a quick overview of bilingual babies, and then more of the science.

• There's a transcript of this episode here.

• Allusionist T-shirts exist! Treat your torso at teepublic.com/stores/the-allusionist.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
decrepitate

CREDITS:

• Ben Jeffes is a child psychologist. He must hear a lot of 'Why?' in his working day. Find him at childprofiles.co.uk.

• This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman. The music is by Martin Austwick. Hear and/or download more - WITH LYRICS! - at thesoundoftheladies.bandcamp.com.

• Talk to me like we're both adults at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman.

For the next month, The Allusionist will be WEEKLY. So you'd better remember to join me again next week.

- HZ

Allusionist 13: Mixed Emojions

Emoji allow communication without words. Could emoji be the universal language of the 21st century? Matt Gray and Tom Scott, founders of the emoji-only messaging platform emoj.li, talk through the pitfalls; and History Today's Dr Kate Wiles finds the 5...

iTUNES • RSS • MP3

Emoji allow communication without words. Could emoji be the universal language of the 21st century? Matt Gray and Tom Scott, founders of the emoji-only messaging platform emoj.li, talk through the pitfalls; and History Today's Dr Kate Wiles finds the 500- and 5,000-year-old precedents for emoji.

CONTENT WARNING: this episode contains one category B swear word, plus references to penises growing on trees.

ADDITIONAL READING:

• There is a transcript of this episode here.

• Keep up to date with all matters emojional at Emojipedia.

• Learn more about cuneiform and poor old St Audrey.

• Read the Luttrell Psalter. Or Emoji Dick, if you must. (Try before you buy.)

• It should have been a portent of Things To Come that at age six, my favourite of the Just So Stories was the one about the alphabet being invented. It's Rudyard Kipling's own spin on cuneiform, pretty much.

• Why the interrobang never really took off. It's the "That's so fetch!" of punctuation.

• Your summer beach read: Unicode.

• The more medieval marginalia you find, the better they get. Here are some choice cuts, and there are many more at Got Medieval; read Kate Wiles herself on the topic; read an explanation as to why so many involve knights fighting snails; or if you can't be bothered to read, just watch the video I made for you:

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
kloof

CREDITS:

• Dr Kate Wiles is contributing editor at History Today and appears on their podcast.

• Matt Gray and Tom Scott brought the emoji-only messenger Emoj.li to life and now they're putting it to death.

• All the music in this episode is by Martin Austwick. Hear and/or download more at thesoundoftheladies.bandcamp.com.

• This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman. Thanks very much to the Soho Theatre in London for letting me record there.

• Find me at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman.

- HZ

Allusionist 6: The Writing on the Wall

iTUNES • RSS • MP3

Those words on museum walls that you can't be bothered to read? They're more important than you think... Exhibition-maker Rachel Souhami explains why. Visit theallusionist.org/museums to find out more about this episode. Tweet @allusionistshow,

Those words on museum walls that you can't be bothered to read? They're more important than you think...

Exhibition-maker Rachel Souhami tells us why.

SUPPLEMENTARY MATERIAL:

• Read more about artist Fred Wilson and his 'Mining the Museum' exhibition and other works at the Maryland Historical Society.

• Here's more about that very old museum in Ur.

• Read a lengthy precis of the history of museums, if that's your bag.

• Here's the etymology of the word 'museum'.

• A few years ago, I went on a museums crawl in Vienna and saw such marvels as priapic armour, pickled conjoined foetuses, and meat animations. What's the weirdest museum you've been to?

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD OF THE DAY:
caprine

View fullsize

Say hi at facebook.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/allusionistshow, and come back in a fortnight for the next episode.

- HZ

CREDITS

• Presented and produced by Helen Zaltzman, ie me.

• Rachel Souhami designs and curates exhibitions, produces Museums Showoff, and tweets @rachelsouhami.

MUSIC:

• 'Allusionist Theme' - Martin Austwick

• 'Wonderful World' - Sam Cooke

• 'The Writing's On The Wall' - OK Go

• 'Live As If Someone Is Always Watching You' - Smog

Allusionist 5: Latin Lives!

iTUNES • RSS • MP3

Every week since September 1989, a radio station in Finland has broadcast a weekly news bulletin...in Latin. WHY? Let's find out! Visit theallusionist.org/latin to find out more about this episode. Tweet @allusionistshow, and convene at facebook.

For years, I've been wondering why a radio station in Finland broadcasts a weekly news bulletin in Latin.

And now, I have found out.

Antti Ijäs from Nuntii Latini - now the Finnish Broadcasting Company's longest-running programme - explains how he invents new Latin words for modern concepts, and why the show is important even though, outside of the Vatican, not many people speak Latin any more. Listen now via iTunes, your favoured podcast directory, or RSS.

FOR EXTRA CREDIT:

• Examine the vocabularies for Nuntii Latini.

• Explore Vicipaedia, the Latin Wikipedia.

• Sign up for your free monthly Latin puzzle book, Hebdomada Aenigmatum.

• Learn a whole load of interesting stuff from the Reading, Writing, Romans blog

• Try to understand the Papal tweets.

• Have you seen Plebs? It's worth it for the theme tune alone, but I’m particularly amazed that a sitcom has been commissioned that is not only full of jokes aimed at the ever-rarer breed that is Latin students, but targeted specifically at those who had The Cambridge Latin Course textbooks.

• Let's not forget the Latin grammar jokes in Monty Python's Life of Brian.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
skelf

Say hi at facebook.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/allusionistshow, and come back in a fortnight for the next episode.

Valete!

- HZ

CREDITS

• Presented and produced by Helen Zaltzman.

• Antti Ijäs has a blog about etymology, which makes me wish I understood Finnish.
  Here is Nuntii Latini's website (OK fine, here's an English translation) and the weekly bulletin is available as a podcast from iTunes.

MUSIC:

• 'Allusionist Theme' - Martin Austwick

• 'Latin Lingo' - Cypress Hill

• Theme from Carry On Cleo

• Theme from I, Claudius

• 'You Will Be Back Someday' - Kevin Tihista's Red Terror