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The Allusionist

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A PODCAST ABOUT LANGUAGE
BY HELEN ZALTZMAN

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The Allusionist

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Allusionist 215. Two-Letter Words

August 26, 2025 The Allusionist

Listener Erica commented: "Perhaps an idea for a bonus ep of Four Letter Word season would be one on two-letter words: there’s an established list that Scrabble nerds end up memorizing, and it’s full of weirdness." In fact, there are TWO established lists, NASPA, the North American Scrabble Players Association, which has currently 107 two-letter words, and Collins Scrabble Words, formerly known as SOWPODS, used by the rest of the world and contains at present 127 two-letter words.

And this episode, we're going to hear all those two-letter words. If you don't agree with their Scrabbular validity, don't blame me! Some of the inclusions were a surprise, frankly!

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In episodes, Tranquillusionist Tags words, language, lexicography, etymology, lexicon, history, vocabulary, two letter words, Scrabble, games, board games, CSW, Collins Dictionary, Collins Scrabble Words, North American Scrabble Players Association, NASPA, SOWPODS, dictionaries, Ancient Rome, Ancient Egypt, souls, asses, coin, pronouns, Hawaiʻi, Hawaiʻian, ʻokina, birds, musical notes, scale, solfège, Māori, Odin, animals, yaks, portmanteau, portmantNO, hesitation, ad lib, tracasseries, yattle, Tranquillusionist

Allusionist 199: 199 ideas that I hadn't made into podcasts yet

August 30, 2024 The Allusionist

Next episode is the 200th, therefore this is the 199th. I raid the 66-page documents of ideas for episodes, that I have been keeping for nearly a decade, and present to you 199 ideas that I have not yet made into podcasts (except for this one).

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In episodes Tags words, language, history, etymology, vocabulary, Juliet Club, Romeo and Juliet, Verona, lost positives, desperate, prefixes, suffixes, Mc-, -core, -tron, -opoli, photography, smiles, animals, cows, cattle, Samuel Maverick, Maury Maverick, gobbledegook, legal, law, punctuation, Ancient Romans, trousers, clothing, clothes, pubs, bears, translation, fencing, kaput, caput, head, hats, hoods, medicine, trademarks, eponyms, popsicles, portmanteau, spiders, Hawaii, Hawaiian, protest, Kaleikoa Kaʻeo, Mele Kalikimaka, capes, Ludo, Parcheesi, Richard Kimble, cowboys, courtroom, oaths, DMV, vanity plates, Joe Lycett, knots, Kevin, Karen, saints, pastry, food, copaganda, police, humour, fine, idioms, rain, Sarah, names, euphemisms, place names, comedians, comedy, apartheid, sign language, Yolgnu, Australia, pandanus, nuts, posthumous, death, calendar, time, distance, measurement, emoji, pizza, X, K, H, dogs, France, French, master bedroom, master, technology, masterpiece, problematic, Scouts, Embers, renaming, spinsters, single, censorship, pregnancy, charcuterie, mushrooms, fly agaric, volcanoes, doula, gender inclusive language, gender inclusivity, chestfeeding, queerness, queer, LGBTQIA+, IKEA, products, product names, branding, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, printing, craft, cross stitch, bad decisions, problematic eponyms, Miranda rights, viruses, lost letters, heroin, aspirin, Amelia Jenks Bloomer, Johann Fust, Johannes Gutenberg, smells, granola, vampires, shoes, werewolf, bums, acme, acne, acumen, aftermath, album, amateur, attercop, average, beret, bespoke, biceps, bloomers, boudoir, bracatus, brochure, candletwist, capsize, chaperone, chord, cliche, cobweb, concrete, crestfallen, croupier, culottes, cynosure, delete, dessert, dutto, dwell, elixir, escape, extravagant, fathom, faux pas, foible, forte, furlong, germane, gimbal, glucose, Grape Nuts, grenade, habit, halcyon, harlot, jade, Kensington gore, limousine, loom, lower case, magenta, malaria, maverick, menu, miasma, migraine, negative, noon, nurse, Oprah Winfrey, overwhelm, pageant, patio, pecuniary, pedigree, petition, pluck, pomegranate, popsicle, positive, puce, retina, riposte, rival, rosemary, sabotage, salty, scavenger, schwa, scruple, slogan, sperate, stereotype, stillicide, stiricide, tabloid, taint, thornback, toady, travesty, treadmill, tutu, twist, tyre, upper case, valid, vamp, vindication, volcano, weregild, whelm, Winterfylleth

Allusionist 188. Lipread

January 28, 2024 The Allusionist

Lipreading has been in the news this month, thanks to gossip-stoking mouth movements at the Golden Globes that the amateur lipreaders of The Internet rushed to interpret. But lipreading tutor Helen Barrow describes how reading lips really works - the confusable consonants, the importance of context and body language - and gossip maven Lainey Lui explains why these regularly occurring lipreading gossip stories are unworthy of a second or even first glance.

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In episodes Tags Helen Barrow, Lainey Lui, Lainey Gossip, lipreading, lip reading, lipreaders, lip readers, gossip, ATLA, homophenes, visemes, phonemes, consonants, confusion, celebrities, stars, Hollywood, press, journalism, Golden Globes, Emily Blunt, John Krasinski, Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, Kylie Jenner, Timothée Chalamet, Theresa May, Jeremy Corbyn, body language, sport, football, Raheem Sterling, John Terry, Leonardo DiCaprio, sign language, detectives, beards, East Asia, masks, portmanteau, blunge

Allusionist 174. Eurovision part 1

April 7, 2023 The Allusionist

There aren't many multilingual, multinational television shows that have been running for nearly seven decades. But what makes the Eurovision Song Contest so special to me is not the music, or the dancing, or the costumes that range from spangletastic to tear-off: no, it's the people butting heads about language. Historian Dean Vuletic, author of Postwar Europe and the Eurovision Song Contest, recounts the many changes in Eurovision's language rules, and its language hopes and dreams.

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In episodes Tags etymology, words, language, society & culture, arts, history, Dean Vuletic, singing, songs, tv, television, broadcasting, geography, politics, political, Eurovision Song Contest, European, Europe, pop, music, ABBA, Waterloo, Volare, Italian, French, German, Dutch, Swedish, France, Spain, Spanish, Norway, Sweden, Malta, English, Italy, United Kingdom, UK, Welsh, Wales, Australia, Luxembourg, Belgium, Flemish, Walloon, Israel, Hebrew, Finland, Netherlands, European Broadcasting Union, EBU, European Broadcasting Area, ESC, public broadcasters, latitude, longitude, multilingual, polyglot, bloc voting, francophone, national languages, Breton, controversy, Domenico Modugno, 20th century, 1950s, radio, portmanteau, portmanteaux, Serge Gainsbourg, Marc Chagall, rules, constructed languages, conlang, soccer, technology, ruelle, Eurovisionallusionist

Allusionist 136. Misogynoir

May 28, 2021 The Allusionist
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“It's hard to address something if you can't actually name what it is,” says Moya Bailey, who coined a term that enables people to discuss a specific combination of racism and sexism: misogynoir.

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In episodes Tags Moya Bailey, misogynoir, misogyny, racism, race, Black women, portmanteau, neologisms, Diane Abbott, Alexandra Wilson, Meghan Markle, systemic bias, inequality, healthcare, doctors, medical, Flexner, discrimination, exuviae, words, language, linguistics, etymology, lexicon, vocabulary

Allusionist 128. Bonus 2020

December 24, 2020 The Allusionist
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To round off the year, here are some choice cuts from the Allusionist vault of interesting things that guests said that there wasn’t room for in the original episodes. Brace yourself for a vivid name for dust bunnies, the scary side of glamour, another reason to be grateful for bears, and Schrödinger’s Fart.

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In episodes Tags words, language, linguistics, education, comedy, entertainment, society & culture, arts, literature, etymology, lexicon, vocabulary, Victorians, Victorian Britain, 19th century, dysfunction, sex, sexuality, John Ruskin, JMW Turner, paintings, erotica, slut, slut holes, slut wool, apples, Avalon, bears, portmanteau, glamour, fan, fandom, fanatic, celebrity, celebrities, fame, seduction, charisma, James Rush, orators, oratory, stanning, Eminem, Stan, religion, divine, Britney Spears, Schrödinger’s fart, Australia, First Nations, Indigenous Australians, Aboriginal Australians, gubba, gubs, gender neutral, email, etiquette, dear, letters, pleasantries, Hamilton, formality, resumes, CVs, French, protest, slogans, Yiddish, Sholem Aleichem, translation, chickens, bagels, patulous, Rudi Bremer, Greg Jenner, MiMi Aye, Joanna Crosby, Kate Lister, Jonah Boyarin, Arun Viswanath, Anthony Russell, Gretchen McCulloch, bonus episode, bonus

Allusionist 100. The Hundredth

May 27, 2019 The Allusionist
Allusionist episode 100 logo.gif

To mark the 100th episode of the Allusionist, here’s a celebratory parade of language-related facts.

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In episodes Tags listener contributions, words, language, linguistics, education, comedy, entertainment, society & culture, arts, literature, Helen Zaltzman, etymology, lexicon, bees, gender, sexism, Aristotle, girl, foot, lady, lord, bread, Charles Butler, beekeeping, queen bees, king bees, Old English, Latin, Old Norse, vocables, Toki Pona, invented languages, constructed languages, Lauren Marks, Eclipse, aphasia, dictionaries, dictionary, lexicography, lexicology, eponyms, screws, phillips head screws, cross head screws, plus screws, minus screws, patents, inventions, mountweazels, Henry F Phillips, robertson screws, frearson screws, saxophone, Adolphe Sax, names, acronyms, IUD, g-spot, inventors, sideburns, NASA, TLAs, initialisms, prescriptivism, descriptivism, Skin Project, tattoos, mince, bench, please, step, stepmother, stepchild, stepfather, stepfamily, psychology, CBT, cognitive behavioural therapy, Jane Gregory, seance, portmanteau, portmanteaus, portmanteaux, endorphin, Tanzania, electrocution, log in, velcro, zazzification, pronouns, they, pith, singular they, namaste, orange, curses, Bath, curse tablets, pelvis, c-word, c-bomb, swears, swearing, profanity, penis, vagina, deniance, denial, Oulipo, halcyon, Ancient Greek, mythology, myths, legends, Alcyone, Ceyx, birds, kingfishers, halcyon days, Polari, Barnet, vogue, French, Welsh Patagonia, Welsh, Argentina, Wales, radish, radical, poll, hair, ballot, ball, politics, voting, elections, nice, Amazon, brands, brand names, trust, emoji, Victorians, Christmas cards, Winterval, slang, arseropes, halteres, tools, Earlonne Woods, Ear Hustle, survival, hundredth
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Allusionist 233. Phobia
Allusionist 233. Phobia

'Phobia' gets used for anything from a mild aversion to a debilitating anxiety response to various forms of bigotry. Deboki Chakravarti and Sam Jones of the podcast Tiny Matters join to consider the term from its comedic origins with one of the founding fathers of the USA, via rabies and Greek deities, to its role in their lives today.

CONTENT NOTE: we’re not trying to stoke anyone’s phobias, but we do discuss some common phobia-inducers, including snakes, germs and small holes, and there’s a brief mention of tarantulas. There’s also talk about OCD and rabies.

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Allusionist 232. Vega
Allusionist 232. Vega

What do you call yourself if you're a part-time vegetarian? What petty linguistic things would you change? And what do you do if people gripe at you if you say that you are bi or pan? To answer these questions from the Allusionist mailbag are esteemed alumsionists: Hrishikesh Hirway and Samin Nosrat of Home Cooking podcast; academic and author Alex Ketchum; lexicographer Kory Stamper; and linguist Lauren Gawne of Lingthusiasm podcast.

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Tranquillusionist: cheesy cheesybobs
Tranquillusionist: cheesy cheesybobs

This is the Tranquillusionist, in which I, Helen Zaltzman, say a series of words to relax your mind, replace a hectic interior monologue, maybe lull you to sleep, hopefully quell the mental uproar just for a little while.

Today: nicknames for woodlice AKA rolypoly bugs AKA slaters AKA all these other things; and a list of cheeses from Great Britain and Ireland.

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sorry lads, we're getting bad ads

TL;DR version:

  • For the show's financial survival (hopefully), over the next few weeks I'm having to switch on programmatic advertisements. This means, for the first time in the show's nearly 12-year existence, you may be subjected to ads that are not voiced, scripted and individually approved by me.

  • If you would prefer to listen to the show without ads in it, patreonise the show at the Gravy, Wedge or Check tiers, which include the perk of an ad-free RSS feed.

Click through to read the rest of the post about why I’m doing this thing I don’t want to do.

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Allusionist 231. Lingthusionist
Allusionist 231. Lingthusionist

“Linguistics and language is such a good mechanism for being curious,” says Lauren Gawne, linguistics prof, author of the book Gesture, and cohost of the podcast Lingthusiasm. I'm in vacation mode (although not on actual vacation alas), so today's episode is a fun chat with our nice pal about making language podcasts, the firey digestive punishments for linguistics researchers, working in reality television, and cute tame nouns versus scary intimidating verbs.

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Allusionist 230. Draculae part 4: Transformation
Allusionist 230. Draculae part 4: Transformation

Throughout the Draculae miniseries, about the Swedish and Icelandic translations of Dracula that played fast and loose with the original text, I've been wondering a couple of questions: why are cover versions of songs and remakes of films so normal and acceptable, whereas cover versions in book form cause such a stir? And do these Scandinavian Draculae count as fan fiction? And if not, why not? Fansplaining.com's Elizabeth Minkel explains what fan fiction can mean.

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Allusionist 229. Draculae part 3: Hunting Down the Count
Allusionist 229. Draculae part 3: Hunting Down the Count

Many mysteries accompany the revelations that Powers of Darkness, the Icelandic and Swedish versions of Dracula, are not direct translations of Bram Stoker's original, but stories that significantly differ in character names, plot and runtime. Like: did Bram Stoker write it himself, to publish some raunchy content that British censors would forbid? Was Powers of Darkness based on his early drafts? And did he really not copyright Dracula in the USA was that a deliberate ruse? Welllll... brace yourself for ole thrill-destroyer Zaltzman to pop your balloons of excitement.

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queer playlist
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Allusionist 228. Draculae part 2: Surprises in the Vaults
Allusionist 228. Draculae part 2: Surprises in the Vaults

Happy World Dracula Day to all who celebrate!

This is the second episode of the Draculae miniseries, about a literary mystery which came to me via a meme: “Someone translated Dracula into Icelandic, and it took over 100 years for anyone to point out he just made a fanfic rewrite of what he wanted the story to be.”

In Draculae part 2, Ásgeir Jónsson explains how he got that Icelandic adaptation of Dracula back into print, to little fanfare - but then Dutch scholar Hans Corneel de Roos set about making an English translation. Following that: like me, Will Trimble also got meme-struck, and that propelled him to get a translation of the Swedish version that begat the Icelandic one.

Before listening to this, check out the first episode of the Draculae miniseries explaining the three versions of Dracula: Dracula published by Bram Stoker in 1897; the Icelandic version Makt Myrkranna by newspaper editor Valdimar Ásmundsson, serialised in his newspaper Fyallkonan in 1900-1901; and the Swedish version Mörkrets makter by an author known only as A—e, and serialised in a couple of Swedish newspapers 1899-1900.

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Allusionist 227. Draculae part 1: Enter the Castle
Allusionist 227. Draculae part 1: Enter the Castle

A literary mystery came to me via a meme.

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Allusionist 226. Suburbia
Allusionist 226. Suburbia

"The word ‘suburbia’ sort of evokes a very fixed idea of a place that is identikit, that all suburbs are the same, that within the suburb everything is the same, that all people are the same, all experiences are the same," says social historian and author John Grindrod. "I think it has this kind of flattening-out facility, that word, that isn't true."

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Allusionist 225. Hues
Allusionist 225. Hues

You know what's an absolutely pesky kind of word to define in a dictionary? Colour names. A passel of lexicographers spent years - decades, even - trying different ways to describe colours in words for Webster's Third International Dictionary. It was such a huge, complicated effort that it took twelve years for former Merriam-Webster lexicographer Kory Stamper to write a book about it.

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Allusionist 224. Cosmic Hairball
Allusionist 224. Cosmic Hairball

Pack your oxygen tank, we're going up to space. There’s a lot of etymology up there.

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Allusionist 223. Bonus 2025
Allusionist 223. Bonus 2025
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Allusionist 222. A Christmas Carol
Allusionist 222. A Christmas Carol

Today, we read the novelisation of The Muppet Christmas Carol, also known as the 1843 festive lit hit A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.

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Creative Commons Licence
The Allusionist by Helen Zaltzman is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.