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The Allusionist

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A PODCAST ABOUT LANGUAGE
BY HELEN ZALTZMAN

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The Allusionist

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Allusionist 223. Bonus Bits 2025 transcript

January 16, 2026 The Allusionist
A Boggle set spells out the words 'bonus 2025'

Dinosaur mouths and dinosaur poop, psychedelic plants, feminist cookbooks, and taking a class in profanity.

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In transcript Tags words, history, etymology, Alex Ketchum, Martin Austwick, So Mayer, Hannah McGregor, Kelly Elizabeth Wright, Nicole Holliday, feminism, feminists, cookbooks, cookery, food, cooking, recipes, Bloodroot, cake, psychoactive, drugs, poison, plants, hens, wave, witches, fear, shame, mistakes, WOTY, Word of the Year, American Dialect Society, enshittification, rawdog, mouths, Monstrous Feminine, cunt, cunty, serving cunt, Jurassic Park, dinosaurs, Laura Dern, poop, Jeff Goldblum, research, Ian Malcolm, academia, films, movies, profanity, linguistics, minced oaths, swearing, swears, bullshit, ASL, sign language, gesture, bonus, bonus bits, glaucous

Allusionist 209. Four Letter Words: Serving C-bomb transcript

May 25, 2025 The Allusionist

Things have changed for a word that despite being around in written text for 900+ years, didn’t even get listed in the Oxford English Dictionary until 1972. 

NICOLE HOLLIDAY: I never say this word.

HZ: No, I feel bad to force you.

NICOLE HOLLIDAY: No, it's funny. Well, I'll say it on podcast, this is professional environment; but in my normal daily life, I can't imagine that I would personally say it. And this might just be like, I'm kind of a prude and I was raised kind of religious, but it does sort of seem like beyond the pale for me personally. I wonder if were 20 if I wouldn’t feel that way, but I spent so much of my life like judiciously avoiding very strong taboos. And this one, just my gut reaction is that it overwhelms. So when you asked me to do this, I was like, “Oh, no! I have to say that word!”

HZ: I'm sorry. We could probably skirt around it and then people can spend the whole episode trying to guess which word we're talking about.

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In transcript Tags vocabulary, lexicography, lexicon, society, culture, words, language, arts, history, four letter words, swearing, profanity, obscenity, swears, taboo, slang, cursing, curses, insults, slurs, dictionaries, parts of speech, Nicole Holliday, Kelly Elizabeth Wright, cunt, cunty, serving cunt, African American English, AAE, African American Language, AAL, Puerto Rican English, ballroom, NYC, New York City, queer, gender, reclamation, performance, reclaimed words, new use, semantics, internet, online, TikTok, drag, RuPaul Charles, RuPaul’s Drag Race, slay, rizz, Tom Hanks, Chet Hanks, Colin Hanks, bench-hanks, compliments, body parts, genitals, cultural appropriation, speech acts, sentiment, intensity, Beyonce, Kevin Aviance, Cunty The Feeling, sound symbolism, plosives, coulisse

Allusionist 208. Four Letter Words: Four Letter Words: Ffff

May 11, 2025 The Allusionist
a boggle grid spelling the word fuck

If you’re thinking, “How the fuck can you write a whole 500-page dictionary just about the word ‘fuck’?” consider, say, the many meanings of ‘ass fuck’, noun and verb - and that’s before you even add similar terms like ‘bumfuck’ and ‘buttfuck’. And there are so many less usual terms, like ‘fucksome’ or ‘fuckstrated’ or ‘fuckist’ or ‘fucktious’.

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In transcript Tags etymology, vocabulary, lexicography, lexicon, society, culture, words, language, history, four letter words, Jesse Sheidlower, F Word, swearing, profanity, obscenity, swears, fuck, fucking, infixing, tmesis, dictionaries, taboo, slang, cursing, curses, insults, publishing, Jonathan Lighter, place names, surnames, last names, acronyms, backronyms, fugazi, Allen Walker Read, Horace Walpole, John S Farmer, W E Henley, Bristol, Austria, fugging, parts of speech, AI, sex, sexual, internet, online, Roger, shit, cunt, slurs, FUBAR, katabatic, SNAFU

Allusionist 203. Flyting transcript

November 9, 2024 The Allusionist

ISHBEL McFARLANE: “You crap so much that you sunk a ship you were on.” 
HZ: I’m gonna use that. 

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In transcript Tags society, culture, words, language, arts, history, Ishbel McFarlane, Joanna Kopaczyk, Scots, Scotland, Scottish, flyting, fleetan, poets, poetry, medieval, court, royal, monarchs, kings, James IV, James VI, writers, entertainment, combat, performance, insults, slurs, swears, obscenity, comedy, literature, printing press, legal, law, witches, witchcraft, trials, lawsuits, roast, vulgarity, abuse, scat, makars, historical pragmatics, rhyme, alliteration, taboos, offensive, offence, owls, contests, competitions, politeness, impoliteness, profanity, speech acts, communication, rude, slander, music hall, Virgil, Aeneid, grampus, shit, shite, fuck

Allusionist 125 Swearalong Quiz transcript

November 11, 2020 The Allusionist
A125 swearalong quiz logo.jpg

Today, we’re going to destress, let off some steam, with the Swearlusionist Swearalong quiz.

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In transcript Tags words, language, linguistics, education, comedy, entertainment, society & culture, arts, literature, etymology, lexicon, vocabulary, swearing, swears, swear words, profanity, Bible, court cases, law, legal, Sex Pistols, Never Mind The Bollocks, indecency, bollocks, shit, spunk, balls, ball, lalochezia, The Wolf of Wall Street, birds, films, movies, poets, bullshit, TS Eliot, twat, Robert Browning, piss, dandelion, plants, flowers, nature, botany, ornithology, cocks, rooster, knobweed, mountains, Wank mountain, guns, kestrels, windfucker, herons, shitepoke, geography, place names, Twatt, Crapstone, crap, Shitterton, Thomas Crapper, drabble, quiz

Allusionist 113. Zaltzology transcript

January 24, 2020 The Allusionist
A113 Zaltzology logo.JPG

ALIE WARD: Carrie Studard wants to know: “Are there any synonyms for the most hated word, ‘moist’?”

HZ: Moist. Do you hate the word ‘moist’? 

ALIE WARD: At this point, it's an underdog. You know what I mean? Like, can moist live? Can it just do its business? I don't hate it. 

HZ: It's fine. 

ALIE WARD: I don't hate it. I tend to think of dew or grass more than I think of... 

HZ: Well, that's a lovely form of moisture. I suppose the people who hate it are maybe thinking of bodily crevices. And that's their prejudice showing. 

ALIE WARD: Yes, it is. 

HZ: Yeah. Because other words like ‘damp’ - I mean, if you're moist from the rain, like a raincoat. Damp. Is that better? Is that worse? A bodily crevice could also be damp. 

ALIE WARD: Sure. I feel like moist has a certain heat to it that damp lacks. 

HZ: A steaminess rather than chilliness. It's good that we're figuring these things out. 

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In transcript Tags words, language, linguistics, education, comedy, entertainment, society & culture, arts, literature, Helen Zaltzman, etymology, lexicon, vocabulary, Alie Ward, Ologies, etymologist, entomologist, tomato, buxom, community, mediocre, coccyx, queue, swearing, c bomb, f bomb, swears, profanity, Galen, body parts, cliches, moist, Latin, science, species, rantipole, spelllings, U, entomology

Allusionist 100. The Hundredth - transcript

May 27, 2019 The Allusionist
A100 gif smaller.gif

Today there’ll be a celebratory parade of language-related facts that you’ve learned from the Allusionist and I’ve learned from making the Allusionist, so some old facts, some new facts - well, the new facts aren’t recently invented facts, they are established facts, just making their Allusionist debut.

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In transcript Tags words, language, linguistics, education, comedy, entertainment, society & culture, arts, literature, Helen Zaltzman, etymology, lexicon, bees, gender, sexism, Aristotle, girl, foot, lady, lord, bread, Charles Butler, beekeeping, queen bees, king bees, Old English, Latin, Old Norse, vocables, Toki Pona, invented languages, constructed languages, Lauren Marks, Eclipse, aphasia, dictionaries, dictionary, lexicography, lexicology, eponyms, screws, phillips head screws, cross head screws, plus screws, minus screws, patents, inventions, mountweazels, Henry F Phillips, robertson screws, frearson screws, saxophone, Adolphe Sax, names, acronyms, IUD, g-spot, inventors, sideburns, NASA, TLAs, initialisms, prescriptivism, descriptivism, Skin Project, tattoos, mince, bench, please, step, stepmother, stepchild, stepfather, stepfamily, psychology, CBT, cognitive behavioural therapy, Jane Gregory, seance, portmanteau, portmanteaus, portmanteaux, endorphin, Tanzania, electrocution, log in, velcro, zazzification, pronouns, they, pith, singular they, namaste, orange, curses, Bath, curse tablets, pelvis, c-word, c-bomb, swears, swearing, profanity, penis, vagina, deniance, denial, Oulipo, halcyon, Ancient Greek, mythology, myths, legends, Alcyone, Ceyx, birds, kingfishers, halcyon days, Polari, Barnet, vogue, French, Welsh Patagonia, Welsh, Argentina, Wales, radish, radical, poll, hair, ballot, ball, politics, voting, elections, nice, Amazon, brands, brand names, trust, emoji, Victorians, Christmas cards, Winterval, slang, arseropes, halteres, Earlonne Woods, Ear Hustle, survival

Allusionist 92. To Err Is Human - transcript

January 23, 2019 The Allusionist
A92 To Err is Human logo.jpg

SUSIE DENT: There never has been a golden age when everything was as it should be ever. Even though we tend to think that English is now at its most dumbed down, always; I think every generation has thought that.

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In transcript Tags umpire, bears, jerusalem artichoke, freelance, arse ropes, zounds, mistakes, English, sayings, language, swearing, eggcorns, profanity, lick into shape, debt, Countdown, Old English, plumber, linguistics, swears, comedy, Helen Zaltzman, lexicography, expressions, entertainment, anagrams, literature, shamefaced, Latin, cusses, education, hangnail, euphemisms, Jiminy Cricket, arts, curry favour, favor, errors, history, etymology, gadzooks, doubt, nickname, society & culture, Middle English, jeepers creepers, malaphors, jerusalem artichokes, buttonholing, dord, Susie Dent, words, cherries, lexicographers, secretary

Allusionist 74. Take A Swear Pill - transcript

March 9, 2018 The Allusionist
A74 swear pill logo.png

HZ: So why is swearing good for you?
EMMA BYRNE: It's good for us socially, in that it is this really useful telegraph of our emotions; it's a good way of avoiding physical conflict. It's also a really good way of bonding, of saying "I hear you. I feel the strength of your emotions," like saying "Fuck that shit" when someone comes to you with something that's obviously upset them. Sometimes it needs to be something stronger than just putting your arm around their shoulder going, "Oh there, there". It's also really useful individually, both for a cathartic side of things when you do something painful or frustrating, letting it out there.

HZ: Another reason swearing is good for you: it relieves pain.

EMMA BYRNE: That is really potent and surprisingly well documented. When you stick your hands, for example, in freezing cold water, you can stand it for about half as long again if you’re using a single swear word than if you're using a single neutral word. Not only that: when afterwards you're asked about how painful that experience felt, you report that cold water as feeling much milder than the water that you had your hand in while you were using some neutral word. So we know that it's really handy for dealing with pain that's being inflicted on you. We also know that it's quite useful, for example, among people who are suffering from long term conditions - so not pain that's been inflicted in a lab, the pain that is ongoing. So managing particularly the emotional aspects of long term pain, a good swear can be cathartic.

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In transcript Tags words, language, phrases, linguistics, neuroscience, neuropsychology, pain, analgesics, profanity, swearing, cold water test, swear words, swears, cusses, cursing, cuss, curse, Emma Byrne, Very Bad Words, Matt Fidler, science, emotional, emotions, brain, psychology, executive function, jokes, Phineas Gage, brain injuries, head injuries, health, chimpanzees, chimps, Washoe, behaviour, behavior, anthropology, manners, children, childhood, dementia, taboos, shame, social conditioning, defecation, excrement, sex, masturbation, body parts, experiments
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Allusionist 233. Phobia
Allusionist 233. Phobia

'Phobia' gets used for anything from a mild aversion to a debilitating anxiety response to various forms of bigotry. Deboki Chakravarti and Sam Jones of the podcast Tiny Matters join to consider the term from its comedic origins with one of the founding fathers of the USA, via rabies and Greek deities, to its role in their lives today.

CONTENT NOTE: we’re not trying to stoke anyone’s phobias, but we do discuss some common phobia-inducers, including snakes, germs and small holes, and there’s a brief mention of tarantulas. There’s also talk about OCD and rabies.

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Allusionist 232. Vega
Allusionist 232. Vega

What do you call yourself if you're a part-time vegetarian? What petty linguistic things would you change? And what do you do if people gripe at you if you say that you are bi or pan? To answer these questions from the Allusionist mailbag are esteemed alumsionists: Hrishikesh Hirway and Samin Nosrat of Home Cooking podcast; academic and author Alex Ketchum; lexicographer Kory Stamper; and linguist Lauren Gawne of Lingthusiasm podcast.

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Tranquillusionist: cheesy cheesybobs
Tranquillusionist: cheesy cheesybobs

This is the Tranquillusionist, in which I, Helen Zaltzman, say a series of words to relax your mind, replace a hectic interior monologue, maybe lull you to sleep, hopefully quell the mental uproar just for a little while.

Today: nicknames for woodlice AKA rolypoly bugs AKA slaters AKA all these other things; and a list of cheeses from Great Britain and Ireland.

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78AF926C-7878-4567-A87F-13CFF415B647_1_105_c.jpeg
sorry lads, we're getting bad ads

TL;DR version:

  • For the show's financial survival (hopefully), over the next few weeks I'm having to switch on programmatic advertisements. This means, for the first time in the show's nearly 12-year existence, you may be subjected to ads that are not voiced, scripted and individually approved by me.

  • If you would prefer to listen to the show without ads in it, patreonise the show at the Gravy, Wedge or Check tiers, which include the perk of an ad-free RSS feed.

Click through to read the rest of the post about why I’m doing this thing I don’t want to do.

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Allusionist 231. Lingthusionist
Allusionist 231. Lingthusionist

“Linguistics and language is such a good mechanism for being curious,” says Lauren Gawne, linguistics prof, author of the book Gesture, and cohost of the podcast Lingthusiasm. I'm in vacation mode (although not on actual vacation alas), so today's episode is a fun chat with our nice pal about making language podcasts, the firey digestive punishments for linguistics researchers, working in reality television, and cute tame nouns versus scary intimidating verbs.

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Allusionist 230. Draculae part 4: Transformation
Allusionist 230. Draculae part 4: Transformation

Throughout the Draculae miniseries, about the Swedish and Icelandic translations of Dracula that played fast and loose with the original text, I've been wondering a couple of questions: why are cover versions of songs and remakes of films so normal and acceptable, whereas cover versions in book form cause such a stir? And do these Scandinavian Draculae count as fan fiction? And if not, why not? Fansplaining.com's Elizabeth Minkel explains what fan fiction can mean.

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Allusionist 229. Draculae part 3: Hunting Down the Count
Allusionist 229. Draculae part 3: Hunting Down the Count

Many mysteries accompany the revelations that Powers of Darkness, the Icelandic and Swedish versions of Dracula, are not direct translations of Bram Stoker's original, but stories that significantly differ in character names, plot and runtime. Like: did Bram Stoker write it himself, to publish some raunchy content that British censors would forbid? Was Powers of Darkness based on his early drafts? And did he really not copyright Dracula in the USA was that a deliberate ruse? Welllll... brace yourself for ole thrill-destroyer Zaltzman to pop your balloons of excitement.

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queer playlist
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Allusionist 228. Draculae part 2: Surprises in the Vaults
Allusionist 228. Draculae part 2: Surprises in the Vaults

Happy World Dracula Day to all who celebrate!

This is the second episode of the Draculae miniseries, about a literary mystery which came to me via a meme: “Someone translated Dracula into Icelandic, and it took over 100 years for anyone to point out he just made a fanfic rewrite of what he wanted the story to be.”

In Draculae part 2, Ásgeir Jónsson explains how he got that Icelandic adaptation of Dracula back into print, to little fanfare - but then Dutch scholar Hans Corneel de Roos set about making an English translation. Following that: like me, Will Trimble also got meme-struck, and that propelled him to get a translation of the Swedish version that begat the Icelandic one.

Before listening to this, check out the first episode of the Draculae miniseries explaining the three versions of Dracula: Dracula published by Bram Stoker in 1897; the Icelandic version Makt Myrkranna by newspaper editor Valdimar Ásmundsson, serialised in his newspaper Fyallkonan in 1900-1901; and the Swedish version Mörkrets makter by an author known only as A—e, and serialised in a couple of Swedish newspapers 1899-1900.

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Allusionist 227. Draculae part 1: Enter the Castle
Allusionist 227. Draculae part 1: Enter the Castle

A literary mystery came to me via a meme.

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Allusionist 226. Suburbia
Allusionist 226. Suburbia

"The word ‘suburbia’ sort of evokes a very fixed idea of a place that is identikit, that all suburbs are the same, that within the suburb everything is the same, that all people are the same, all experiences are the same," says social historian and author John Grindrod. "I think it has this kind of flattening-out facility, that word, that isn't true."

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Allusionist 225. Hues
Allusionist 225. Hues

You know what's an absolutely pesky kind of word to define in a dictionary? Colour names. A passel of lexicographers spent years - decades, even - trying different ways to describe colours in words for Webster's Third International Dictionary. It was such a huge, complicated effort that it took twelve years for former Merriam-Webster lexicographer Kory Stamper to write a book about it.

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Allusionist 224. Cosmic Hairball
Allusionist 224. Cosmic Hairball

Pack your oxygen tank, we're going up to space. There’s a lot of etymology up there.

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Allusionist 223. Bonus 2025
Allusionist 223. Bonus 2025
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Allusionist 222. A Christmas Carol
Allusionist 222. A Christmas Carol

Today, we read the novelisation of The Muppet Christmas Carol, also known as the 1843 festive lit hit A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.

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Creative Commons Licence
The Allusionist by Helen Zaltzman is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.