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The Allusionist

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A PODCAST ABOUT LANGUAGE
BY HELEN ZALTZMAN

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The Allusionist

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Allusionist 215. Two-Letter Words transcript

August 26, 2025 The Allusionist
a Boggle set spelling out Two Letter Words

This is the Allusionist, in which I, Helen Zaltzman, cheat on my own four-letter word season thanks to this suggestion from listener Erica: “Perhaps an idea for a bonus ep of a four-letter word season would be one on two-letter words: there’s an established list that Scrabble nerds end up memorizing, and it’s full of weirdness. For example: aa, oe, and mm are all acceptable words. But ew is not.”

Spoiler, ‘ew’ is now! It was added to the Scrabble dictionary in 2018. So, enjoy that.

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In transcript Tags words, language, lexicography, etymology, lexicon, history, vocabulary, two letter words, Scrabble, games, board games, CSW, Collins Dictionary, Collins Scrabble Words, North American Scrabble Players Association, NASPA, SOWPODS, dictionaries, Ancient Rome, Ancient Egypt, souls, asses, coin, pronouns, Hawaiʻi, Hawaiʻian, ʻokina, birds, musical notes, scale, solfège, Māori, Odin, animals, yaks, portmanteau, portmantNO, hesitation, ad lib, tracasseries, yattle

Tranquillusionist: Gay Animals transcript

June 10, 2023 The Allusionist

This is the Tranquillusionist, in which I, Helen Zaltzman, say a load of words which aren’t really about anything so that your brain gets a little gentle diversion from thinking and/or feeling. This is not a regular episode of the Allusionist where you’re supposed to think and/or feel things. The Tranquillusionist is meant to be a bit dull, and maybe it’ll help you get to sleep or at least turn your existential screaming down to 11.

Today I shall be reading a list of gay animals.

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In Tranquillusionist, transcript Tags serene, serenity, ASMR, calm, calmness, meditation, sleep, mood, emergency, Tranquillusionist, tranquil, tranquillity, relaxation, animals, insects, fish, reptiles, birds, mammals, humans, creatures, queer, LGBTQIA, gay, bisexual, pansexual, zoology, gay animals, muid

Allusonist 158 Creature Quiz transcript

August 5, 2022 The Allusionist

Magpie is short for:

A. Magnum PI
B. Margaret Pica
C. Magic Pigeon
D. Magister Pinetree

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In transcript Tags history, words, language, lexicon, vocabulary, entertainment, culture, arts, etymology, quiz, meatus, animals, creatures, fish, birds, beasts, magpie, Margaret, pie, pica, sexism, Latin, Greek, Old English, parrot, Italian, priest, piebald, skewbald, bald, camelopard, offend, elephant, raccoon, chicken pox, chickens, cowardice, pox, goose barnacles, geese, goose, barnacles, myths, squirrel, cattle, weasel, smell, stinky, ferret, eggs, manure, porpoise, shrews, beshrew, agriculture, poop, dung, bison, polecats, weasel words, chattel, property, real estate, fee, livestock, petunia, penis, genitals, bowels

Allusionist 130 Valentine transcript

February 14, 2021 The Allusionist
A130 Valentine logo.jpeg

ST VALENTINE: I’m actually also the patron saint of beekeepers, epilepsy and plagues, but you don’t see beekeeper-shaped boxes of chocolates in the supermarkets in February, do you?

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In transcript Tags words, language, linguistics, education, comedy, entertainment, society & culture, arts, literature, etymology, lexicon, vocabulary, St Valentine, St Agatha, saints, martyrs, sainthood, patron saint, patronage, love, romance, Valentine’s Day, Ancient Rome, Rome, Roman Empire, Roman emperors, February, purification, sacrifice, religion, paganism, Christians, Christianity, plague, epilepsy, birds, Lupercalia, Lupercali, priests, Chaucer, Parliament of Fowls, courtly love, rituals, goats, rhyton, mud month

Allusionist 125 Swearalong Quiz transcript

November 11, 2020 The Allusionist
A125 swearalong quiz logo.jpg

Today, we’re going to destress, let off some steam, with the Swearlusionist Swearalong quiz.

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In transcript Tags words, language, linguistics, education, comedy, entertainment, society & culture, arts, literature, etymology, lexicon, vocabulary, swearing, swears, swear words, profanity, Bible, court cases, law, legal, Sex Pistols, Never Mind The Bollocks, indecency, bollocks, shit, spunk, balls, ball, lalochezia, The Wolf of Wall Street, birds, films, movies, poets, bullshit, TS Eliot, twat, Robert Browning, piss, dandelion, plants, flowers, nature, botany, ornithology, cocks, rooster, knobweed, mountains, Wank mountain, guns, kestrels, windfucker, herons, shitepoke, geography, place names, Twatt, Crapstone, crap, Shitterton, Thomas Crapper, drabble, quiz

Allusionist 100. The Hundredth - transcript

May 27, 2019 The Allusionist
A100 gif smaller.gif

Today there’ll be a celebratory parade of language-related facts that you’ve learned from the Allusionist and I’ve learned from making the Allusionist, so some old facts, some new facts - well, the new facts aren’t recently invented facts, they are established facts, just making their Allusionist debut.

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In transcript Tags words, language, linguistics, education, comedy, entertainment, society & culture, arts, literature, Helen Zaltzman, etymology, lexicon, bees, gender, sexism, Aristotle, girl, foot, lady, lord, bread, Charles Butler, beekeeping, queen bees, king bees, Old English, Latin, Old Norse, vocables, Toki Pona, invented languages, constructed languages, Lauren Marks, Eclipse, aphasia, dictionaries, dictionary, lexicography, lexicology, eponyms, screws, phillips head screws, cross head screws, plus screws, minus screws, patents, inventions, mountweazels, Henry F Phillips, robertson screws, frearson screws, saxophone, Adolphe Sax, names, acronyms, IUD, g-spot, inventors, sideburns, NASA, TLAs, initialisms, prescriptivism, descriptivism, Skin Project, tattoos, mince, bench, please, step, stepmother, stepchild, stepfather, stepfamily, psychology, CBT, cognitive behavioural therapy, Jane Gregory, seance, portmanteau, portmanteaus, portmanteaux, endorphin, Tanzania, electrocution, log in, velcro, zazzification, pronouns, they, pith, singular they, namaste, orange, curses, Bath, curse tablets, pelvis, c-word, c-bomb, swears, swearing, profanity, penis, vagina, deniance, denial, Oulipo, halcyon, Ancient Greek, mythology, myths, legends, Alcyone, Ceyx, birds, kingfishers, halcyon days, Polari, Barnet, vogue, French, Welsh Patagonia, Welsh, Argentina, Wales, radish, radical, poll, hair, ballot, ball, politics, voting, elections, nice, Amazon, brands, brand names, trust, emoji, Victorians, Christmas cards, Winterval, slang, arseropes, halteres, Earlonne Woods, Ear Hustle, survival

Allusionist 83. Yes, As In - transcript

August 24, 2018 The Allusionist
A83 Yes As In logo.jpg

TIGER WEBB: The broad thing about having unusual name is that it's a pretty effective substitute for an actual personality. I never had to develop one, because you could just do anything and people assume you’re interesting, or that there is some sort of grandiosity behind it.
HZ: Very colourful character.
TIGER WEBB: I'm really very boring and quiet. And the fact that I'm called Tiger I think does a lot to mask that. "Oh wow. Tiger, yeah, interesting fellow." I'm not though. But feel free to think that

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In transcript Tags words, language, linguistics, education, comedy, entertainment, society & culture, Helen Zaltzman, Korean, Bertrand Russell, names, naming, childhood, babies, parents, birth, nominative determinism, personality, unusual names, character, fish, salmon, jewels, animals, tigers, birds, peregrine falcons, royalty, cinnamon, spices, food, jokes, bad jokes, conversation, small talk, William Blake, Tiger Woods, Pokemon, Tiger Webb, Paul Bae, Emerald Paston, Sapphire Paston, Steve Pretty, Cinnamon Nippard, Princess Ojiaku, Loveis Wise, Dennis Funk, Phoebe Judge, Criminal, Caspar Salmon, Peregrine Andrews
Allusionist Patreon
Featured
Festivelusionists
Allusionist 221. Scribe
Allusionist 221. Scribe
Allusionist 220. Disobedience
Allusionist 220. Disobedience
Allusionist 219. Making Trouble
Allusionist 219. Making Trouble
Allusionist 218. Banned Books
Allusionist 218. Banned Books
Allusionist 217. Bread and Roses, and Coffee
Allusionist 217. Bread and Roses, and Coffee
Allusionist 216. Four Letter Words: Terisk
Allusionist 216. Four Letter Words: Terisk
Allusionist 215. Two-Letter Words
Allusionist 215. Two-Letter Words
Allusionist 214. Four Letter Words: Bane Bain Bath
Allusionist 214. Four Letter Words: Bane Bain Bath
Souvenirs on BBC Radio 4
Souvenirs on BBC Radio 4
Allusionist 213. Four Letter Words: Dino
Allusionist 213. Four Letter Words: Dino
Allusionist 212. Four Letter Words: Park
Allusionist 212. Four Letter Words: Park
Allusionist 211. Four Letter Words: -gate
Allusionist 211. Four Letter Words: -gate
Allusionist 210. Four Letter Words: 4x4x4 Quiz
Allusionist 210. Four Letter Words: 4x4x4 Quiz
queer playlist
Creative Commons Licence
The Allusionist by Helen Zaltzman is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.