Allusionist 31: Post-Love

Breaking up is hard to do, and it's hard to put into appropriate words. Comedian Rosie Wilby seeks a better term for 'ex', and family law barrister Nick Allen runs through the vocabulary of divorce. NOTE: this episode is not full of bawdy talk,

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Breaking up is hard to do, and it's hard to put into appropriate words.

Comedian Rosie Wilby seeks a better term for 'ex'; family law barrister Nick Allen runs through the vocabulary of divorce; and listeners share some of their worst break-up lines.

NOTE: this episode is not full of bawdy talk, but there are adult themes and a couple of category B swearwords.

A BIT (OF ADDITIONAL MATERIAL) ON THE SIDE:

• The Museum of Broken Relationships is coming to LA - do you have anything to exhibit?

• Listener Felipe reminded me about French artist Sophie Calle's Take Care Of Yourself, an exhibition about the email in which her boyfriend dumped her.

• Want more tales of break-ups? Get yourself to You Broke Up How?

• Here's Esther Perel on ghosting, AKA the coward's way out.

• Watch Rosie Wilby's TEDx talk 'Is Monogamy Dead?'

• Let the UK government explain the difference between civil partnership and same-sex marriage.

• Conscious uncoupling.

• Here's the transcript of the episode.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
quadrumanous

CREDITS:

• Rosie Wilby is a comedian and writer. You can find her live show dates, written work and more at rosiewilby.com and on Twitter @rosiewilby; you can hear her podcast, and her radio show Out in South London is on Resonance FM.

• Nick Allen is a family law barrister. I'm hoping you don't require the services of one of those, but if you do, Nick is the best.

• This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, with editorial help from Hrishikesh Hirway from Song Exploder. The music is by Martin Austwick.

• Don't go breaking my heart: let's keep our love alive at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman.

Meet you back here in a fortnight.

- HZ

Allusionist 30: US Election Lexicon

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The 2016 US election isn't going away anytime soon, so let's seek refuge in etymology. Consider the linguistically appropriate age of a senator, and whether Congress should get sexy. And we revisit the UK Election Lexicon - http://theallusionist.

The 2016 US election isn't going away anytime soon, so let's seek refuge in etymology, as we did before in the first Election Lexicon.

EXCESS BAGGAGE:

• Oxford Dictionaries have had enough of these political terms, and perhaps so have you.

• Lo, here's a short history of filibustering.

• The linguistics of mass persuasion: how politicians make ‘fetch’ happen.

• And in case you needed to know about the sex lives of politicians during primaries, the escorts they hire are here to tell you.

• Here's the original Election Lexicon episode.

If you want podcasts about the US Election, I've heard good things about FiveThirtyEight, Bandwagon, Presidential, Slate's Political Gabfest, Candidate Confessional, Left, Right & Centre, The Pollsters, Whistlestop... And there's this episode from our pals Mortified.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
flockmaster

CREDITS:

• You heard from Jonathan Mitchell from The Truth; Benjamen Walker from Theory of Everything; Lauren Spohrer from Criminal; Hrishikesh Hirway from Song Exploder; Nick van der Kolk from Love + Radio; and Avery Trufelman and Katie Mingle from 99% Invisible.

• This episode was produced by Matt Hill and me. The theme tune is by Martin Austwick.

• Say hello at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman, regardless of on which shoulder you sport your parrot.

Meet you back here in a fortnight.

- HZ

P.S. Thanks to listener Matt for designing this bumper sticker after hearing the episode. We've got a chance of winning this, people...

Allusionist 29: WLTM part II

You're looking for your perfect partner, but dating sites keep matching you with duds. So what do you do? Conduct an elaborate linguistic experiment, of course! At least, that was futurist Amy Webb's response to the situation. But did it work?

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You're looking for your perfect partner, but dating sites keep matching you with duds. So what do you do? Conduct an elaborate linguistic experiment, of course!

At least, that was futurist Amy Webb's response.

Spreadsheets were involved. For what is the pursuit of love without spreadsheets?

NOTE: A number of you have written to posit that Amy's date who claimed to be an orthopaedic surgeon was saying 'anaesthetist', which is a legit job. Amy couldn't pronounce his mispronunciation, but he actually kept saying 'anestethist', which is not a legit job. (He also happened to know very little about orthopaedic surgery, but a lot about carpentry. You're allowed to say you're a carpenter if you're a carpenter, sir!)

SUPPLEMENTARY MATERIALS:

• Watch (or read) Amy's TED talk: 'How I Hacked Online Dating'.

• There's far more detail about Amy's experiment in her very enjoyable book Data: A Love Story. Read an extract here.

• And here's an article she wrote about the data in dating.

• A mathematician did is own experiment with OK Cupid.

• OkCupid used to keep an interesting blog in which they analysed their own data. TL:DR? Here's a summary.

• And a linguist analysed OkCupid usernames.

• Cute as a button = urgent as pox?

• Here's a history of 'cute'...

• ...and one of 'adorkable'.

• inwhiches.tumblr.com - go!

• Missed WLTM part I? Here it is.

• There's a transcript of this episode here.

Do me a favour? / Want to appear in an upcoming show?
Go to a quiet place, and record yourself on whatever you’ve got - phone voice memo is fine - and tell me the worst thing you said to someone to break up with them. Or the worst thing someone said to you to break up with you.
By ‘worst’, I do mean ‘worst that you can kind of find funny now’ rather than something that will emotionally devastate you afresh to recount in this forum.
Send recordings to allusionistshow@gmail.com, if you’re willing for me to use them in the show. It’ll be anonymous, apart from your voice.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
spavin

CREDITS:

• Amy Webb is the founder and CEO of Webbmedia Group and the author of Data: A Love Story. She is @webbmedia on Twitter. She would also like to point out that what worked for HER might not work for YOU, so don't just copy her home-made algorithm wholesale, ok? Build your own!

• This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, with editorial aid from Julie Shapiro and Hrishikesh Hirway.

• Aside from a quick blast of 'The Perfect Nanny' from Mary Poppins, all the music is by Martin Austwick.

• Greet me at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman, but don't you dare refer to any of your body parts as 'The Captain'.

Back in a fortnight.

- HZ

Allusionist 28: WLTM part I

Your online dating profile is the latest spin on a 300-year-old tradition of advertising yourself in order to find a spouse, a sexual partner, or someone to take care of your pigs. Francesca Beauman, author of Shapely Ankle Preferr'd: A History of the ...

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Your online dating profile is the latest spin on a 300-year-old tradition of advertising yourself in order to find a spouse, a sexual partner, or someone to take care of your pigs.

Francesca Beauman, author of Shapely Ankle Preferr’d: A History of the Lonely Hearts Ad, digs into lonely hearts ads to see how British society and desires have evolved over the past three centuries.

WARNING: Some of the content is a little saucy, but not, like, swimming in sauce.

READING MATTER:

• Reviews of hundreds of different dating sites? You got it.

• I love reading the Blind Dates in the Guardian each Saturday, and The Guyliner’s dissection thereof shortly afterwards.

• Atlas Obscura tests the Victorian seduction technique of reading aloud.

• Not so much a lonely heart ad as a curious soul ad, but it resulted in one of the most intriguing books I’ve ever read: The Life Swap by Nancy Weber. Read about it here (NB spoilers).

• Warlock: offensive term?

• The transcript of this episode is at theallusionist.org/transcripts/wltm-i.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
extraposition

CREDITS:

• Find Francesca Beauman at francescabeauman.com and buy her books, including the excellent Shapely Ankle Preferr’d, from your usual book-buying places.

• This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman.

• Martin Austwick provided all the music.

• Matthew Crosby provided his voice.

• Allusionist listeners provided their dating profiles, for which I am extremely grateful.

• WLTM you at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman.

This is a two-parter, and the second half is an absolute belter, so return next week to hear it.

- HZ

Allusionist 25: Toki Pona

There's a language which is said to be the smallest language in the world. It has around 123 words, five vowels, nine consonants, and apparently you can become fluent in it with around 30 hours' study. It was invented by linguist Sonja Lang in 2001,

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There’s a language which is said to be the smallest language in the world. It has around 123 words, five vowels, nine consonants, and apparently you can become fluent in it with around 30 hours’ study. It was invented by linguist Sonja Lang in 2001, and it’s called Toki Pona.

And Nate DiMeo, from the Memory Palace, decided we should learn it together.

FURTHER READING:

• tokipona.org is your first stop for Toki Pona information, such as Sonja Lang's book and the Facebook group.

• This is the article that first piqued Nate's and my interest in Toki Pona. I also enjoyed reading about this two-day Toki Pona learning binge.

• A Finnish psychiatrist experimented with getting his patients to record their thoughts in Toki Pona every day.

• Hey, linguistic size queens: here's a piece comparing number of words in different languages, and here are some stats for you.

• I need to read In the Land of Invented Languages by Arika Okrent, who appeared in this early episode of 99% Invisible about Esperanto.

• There are a lot more invented languages; here are a few mentioned in this episode: Kēlen, Ithkuil, Blissymbols, Lojban, Klingon, Elvish, Na'vi...

• Here's the transcript of this episode.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
kobold

CREDITS:

• Nate DiMeo makes the beautiful podcast The Memory Palace thememorypalace.us.

• This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman. Thanks to Eleanor McDowall.

• Martin Austwick provided all the music apart from the instrumental version of Survivor's 'Eye of the Tiger'.

• Communicate with me minimalistically at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman.

- HZ

Allusionist 24: Spill Your Guts

It's cathartic; it's a useful historical record; and it might help you behave better on public transport. Neil Katcher and Dave Nadelberg from Mortified discuss the art and practice of keeping a diary. Find the Mortified podcast, stage shows,

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It's cathartic; it's useful historical records; and it might help you behave better on public transport. Neil Katcher and Dave Nadelberg from Mortified discuss the art and practice of keeping a diary.

ADDITIONAL MATERIALS:

• This website has a fair amount of information about Samuel Pepys, including his diary entries describing the Plague and the Great Fire of London - and some of the entries he wrote in code because they're a bit saucy.

• Pepys wrote his diary in shorthand, so snoopers couldn't understand it. Read a translation at Project Gutenberg.

• Anne Frank, meanwhile, edited a version of her diary for possible public consumption, which was the one published in 1947. The longer, private version was recently published.

• Mortification comes in many forms. All of which are funnier when they happened to someone else.

• My friend Jo Neary has been keeping an illustrated diary for decades. Occasionally, she shares some pages online, to my delight.

• Which of these medical acronyms will follow in LOL's footsteps and be in common use in textspeak within the next 30 years?

• Having trouble translating DAMHIKT, UDS or POTF? Acronym Finder is here to help.

• Here's the transcript of this episode.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
horst

CREDITS:

• Dave Nadelberg and Neil Katcher run Mortified. It's a weekly podcast, a stage show in many cities around the world, a documentary, a TV series, and books; find all these Mortified things at getmortified.com.

• This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman. Thanks for the advice, Eleanor McDowall and Martin Austwick (who also provided all the music).

• Communicate with me publicly at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman.

- HZ

Allusionist 23: Criminallusionist

Phoebe Judge and Lauren Spohrer from the podcast Criminal stop by to talk about the linguistic challenges of crime reporting. They also share their episode 'Pants on Fire', about lying. It's an extremely useful handbook if you fancy becoming either a h...

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Today, Phoebe Judge and Lauren Spohrer from the Radiotopian podcast Criminal stop by to talk about the linguistic challenges of crime reporting.

They also share their episode 'Pants on Fire', about lying. It's an extremely useful handbook if you fancy becoming either a human polygraph, or an excellent liar.

READING MATTER:

• Lauren Spohrer wrote a very smart piece for Catapult about the ethics of cutting and editing information when constructing stories for Criminal.

• Here's one version of the history of the term 'serial killer', courtesy of NPR, though apparently its origins are contested.

• Body language often gives away a lie, but here are some tips for spotting lies over the phone.

• "The English language has 112 words for deception."

• Here's the transcript of this episode.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
Welsh onion

CREDITS:

• Phoebe Judge and Lauren Spohrer make Criminal, which you can find at thisiscriminal.com. Amongst my favourite episodes are 'Triassic Park', 'Gil from London', and 'Angie'. You can see and hear Phoebe fending off attack dogs here.

• 'Pants on Fire' was produced by Phoebe Judge, Lauren Spohrer and Eric Mennel. The rest of this episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman. Thanks to Russ Henry for production help, and Martin Austwick for the music.

• Communicate with me at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman. No fibbing, please.

- HZ

Allusionist 22: Vocables

La la la, dum di di dum, a wop bop a loo bop a wop bom bom - why are songs riddled with non-words masquerading as words? Hrishikesh Hirway from Song Exploder and songwriter Tony Hazzard explain. Read more about this episode at http://theallusionist.

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La la la, dum di di dum, a wop bop a loo bop a wop bom bom - why are songs riddled with non-words masquerading as words?

Hrishikesh Hirway from Song Exploder and songwriter Tony Hazzard explain.

WOAH WOAH WAH-OH, DO BE DOO DOO, HERE'S SOME READING MATTER:

• How to write the perfect pop song. (TL;DR: just get Carly Rae Jepsen to do it.)

• Indie singers become pop songwriters. Are we supposed to feel sorry for them? Because I do not.

• This is an old but good long profile of songwriter Ester 'Wrote Nicki Minaj's Superbass and Rihanna's What's My Name, also stars in Pitch Perfect' Dean, whose writing process seems intriguingly vocable-led.

• Here's a little history of the BBC's The Old Grey Whistle Test, and here's a documentary about it, which contains all the fashion inspiration you need for the next six months.

• Here's the transcript of this episode, though not including the relevant lyrics of 'Agadoo', because there are limits.

• Listener Timothy requested a downloadable MP3 of the special version of the theme tune in this episode. Who am I to deprive you?

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
occiput

CREDITS:

• Hrishikesh Hirway makes the excellent podcast Song Exploder, which you'll find at songexploder.net. Here's that Tune-Yards episode I mentioned. He tweets as @songexploder and @hrishihirway.

• Tony Hazzard's extensive career and discography can be found at tonyhazzard.com. His new album The Hallicombe Sessions will arrive in the next few weeks. He tweets as @tonyhazzard.

• This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman. Communicate with me at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/helenzaltzman.

• Thanks to Martin Austwick for providing the Allusionist theme, and the special vocable version thereof. The other music from the show was, in chronological order:

Ella Fitzgerald - ‘One Note Samba’
The Spice Girls - ‘Spice Up Your Life’
Theme from The Old Grey Whistle Test - ‘Stone Fox Chase’
Little Richard - 'Tutti Frutti'
The Crystals - ‘Da Do Ron Ron’
Black Lace - ‘Agadoo’
JLS - 'She Make Me Wanna'
Betty Wright - ‘Shoorah Shoorah’
Brokeback - ‘In the Reeds’

Come back in a week's time for the next special edition of the Allusionist. I promise not to sing.

- HZ