I know this is a show about words, but forget the words for a moment; look at the spaces between the words.
Without the spaces, the words would be nigh incomprehensible. And yet, they're a relatively recent linguistic innovation.
Read moreAllusionist 8: Crosswords
Cryptic crosswords: delightful brain exercise, or the infernal taunting of the incomprehensible?
Either way, crossword setter John Feetenby explains how they're made and how to solve them. He reveals how he composes clues (even one for 'Zaltzman'), why crosswords reign supreme over sudoku, and why 'jacuzzi' is rarely the answer.
ADDITIONAL READING:
If, like me, you suck at cryptic crosswords, to start off here's Cryptic Crosswords for Dummies.
I'll never be able to do The Guardian's crossword, but if that's the crossword mountain you want to climb, here's the Guardian's Cryptic Crosswords for Beginners series. I can do the Telegraph crossword a bit, so here's the Telegraph's guide too.
This is a very handy compendium of what words mean in crosswordese.
Here's a summary of the differences between UK and US crosswords.
I'm aware that crosswords from other countries work differently to British ones, so do illuminate me about your own local crossword practices.
RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
waterbrash
Say hi at facebook.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/allusionistshow, and come back in a fortnight for the next episode.
- HZ
CREDITS
John Feetenby's crosswords appear every Sunday in one of Britain's major newspapers. He is @feexby on Twitter and his website is feexby.com, via which you can find his own podcasts.
This episode was presented and produced by me, Helen Zaltzman.
MUSIC:
'Allusionist Theme' - Martin Austwick
'I don't Get It' - Cowboy Junkies
'Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood' - The Animals
Allusionist 7: Mountweazel
You'd think you could trust dictionaries, but it turns out, they are riddled with LIES.
Delivering this upsetting news is Eley Williams, who is just finishing up her PhD about mountweazels, esquivalience and other hoax words that lexicographers have snuck into dictionaries.
SUPPLEMENTARY MATERIAL:
In 2009 a Dublin art gallery held an exhibition called 'The Life and Times of Lilian Virginia Mountweazel'.
Here's the process by which a real word gets into a dictionary.
I love Eley's sister Catherine Williams's illustration of the made-up bird jungftak:
RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
osculum
Say hi at facebook.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/allusionistshow, and come back in a fortnight for the next episode.
- HZ
CREDITS
Eley Williams's website is giantratofsumatra.com and she is on Twitter as @giantratsumatra.
This episode was presented and produced by me, Helen Zaltzman.
MUSIC:
'Allusionist Theme' - Martin Austwick
'Would I Lie To You' - Charles and Eddie
'Little Lies' - Fleetwood Mac
'Suspicious Minds' - Elvis Presley
Allusionist 6: The Writing on the Wall
Those words on museum walls that you can't be bothered to read? They're more important than you think...
Exhibition-maker Rachel Souhami tells us why.
SUPPLEMENTARY MATERIAL:
Read more about artist Fred Wilson and his 'Mining the Museum' exhibition and other works at the Maryland Historical Society.
Read a lengthy precis of the history of museums, if that's your bag.
Here's the etymology of the word 'museum'.
A few years ago, I went on a museums crawl in Vienna and saw such marvels as priapic armour, pickled conjoined foetuses, and meat animations. What's the weirdest museum you've been to?
RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD OF THE DAY:
caprine
Say hi at facebook.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/allusionistshow, and come back in a fortnight for the next episode.
- HZ
CREDITS
Presented and produced by Helen Zaltzman, ie me.
Rachel Souhami designs and curates exhibitions, produces Museums Showoff, and tweets @rachelsouhami.
MUSIC:
'Allusionist Theme' - Martin Austwick
'Wonderful World' - Sam Cooke
'The Writing's On The Wall' - OK Go
'Live As If Someone Is Always Watching You' - Smog
Allusionist 5: Latin Lives!
For years, I've been wondering why a radio station in Finland broadcasts a weekly news bulletin in Latin.
And now, I have found out.
Antti Ijäs from Nuntii Latini - now the Finnish Broadcasting Company's longest-running programme - explains how he invents new Latin words for modern concepts, and why the show is important even though, outside of the Vatican, not many people speak Latin any more. Listen now via iTunes, your favoured podcast directory, or RSS.
FOR EXTRA CREDIT:
Examine the vocabularies for Nuntii Latini.
Explore Vicipaedia, the Latin Wikipedia.
Sign up for your free monthly Latin puzzle book, Hebdomada Aenigmatum.
Learn a whole load of interesting stuff from the Reading, Writing, Romans blog
Try to understand the Papal tweets.
Have you seen Plebs? It's worth it for the theme tune alone, but I’m particularly amazed that a sitcom has been commissioned that is not only full of jokes aimed at the ever-rarer breed that is Latin students, but targeted specifically at those who had The Cambridge Latin Course textbooks.
Let's not forget the Latin grammar jokes in Monty Python's Life of Brian.
RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
skelf
Say hi at facebook.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/allusionistshow, and come back in a fortnight for the next episode.
Valete!
- HZ
CREDITS
Presented and produced by Helen Zaltzman.
Antti Ijäs has a blog about etymology, which makes me wish I understood Finnish.
Here is Nuntii Latini's website (OK fine, here's an English translation) and the weekly bulletin is available as a podcast from iTunes.
MUSIC:
'Allusionist Theme' - Martin Austwick
'Latin Lingo' - Cypress Hill
Theme from Carry On Cleo
Theme from I, Claudius
'You Will Be Back Someday' - Kevin Tihista's Red Terror
Allusionist 4: Detonating the C-Bomb
WARNING: this episode is full of FOUL PROFANE LANGUAGE. I suggest you don't listen to it through loudspeakers at a christening.
Today I'm trying to figure out why 'cunt' is considered to be a ruder swear word than others like 'twat' which mean the same thing, or male equivalents like 'dick' and 'knob'. A few hundred years ago, cunt was sufficiently not-rude that there were streets named Gropecunt Lane in most of Britain's major market towns; yet now, it is top tier of the hierarchy of offensiveness. But maybe in another few hundred years, it will have been supplanted by 'swear word' or 'Jeff'. Find out why: listen now via iTunes, miscellaneous podcast directories, or RSS.
SUPPLEMENTARY ENTERTAINMENT:
If you enjoyed hearing about Gropecunt Lane, then I'm sure you'll like the triumphant tale of Tickle Cock Bridge.
There's a very interesting discussion of 'bloody' and other religious swear words on episode 44 of the brilliant podcast No Such Thing As A Fish.
Worried about whether to spell bellend 'bellend', 'bell-end' or 'bell end'? The editor of the Sunday Sport has the definitive answer.
RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD OF THE DAY:
maskinonge
Share your thoughts with me at facebook.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/allusionistshow.
- HZ
CREDITS
Presented and produced by Helen Zaltzman.
Leon Wilson helms such bawdy television shows as Celebrity Juice.
Jane Garvey uses only the most fragrant language when she presents Woman's Hour on BBC Radio 4. Her range of cockwipes will be in stores soon.
Thanks to all the people who contributed their rudest swear word, including the good people of Maximum Fun, but especially Tom Jenkinson's mum.
Allusionist 3: Going Viral
Remember when 'viral' used to only mean something bad, eg. something that would make you ill or destroy your computer?
How things have changed. Tom Phillips from BuzzFeed UK explains how they choose the language to make their content go viral. Why does Buzzfeed steer clear of round numbers, sarcasm and irony? Will the internet ever reach Peak Hyperbole? What's the curiosity gap and how do you cross it? Find out all by listening to the show via iTunes, through your favoured podcast directory, or via RSS.
A bit of additional reading:
Buzzfeed not only analyses its own language, but also that of White House press secretaries to discover which president's regime is the cagiest.
If you can't be bothered to study it, Time has interpreted its linguistic signifance for you.
RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
bavardage
Despite my mild cynicism in this episode about the imperative to share content far and wide, you are of course more than welcome to share this episode - and to say hi at facebook.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/allusionistshow.
- HZ
CREDITS
Presented and produced by Helen Zaltzman.
Tom Phillips is editorial director at BuzzFeed UK. Read his posts, and he tweets as @flashboy.
Roman Mars roman marses every week on 99% Invisible, and tweets as @romanmars.
MUSIC
'Allusionist Theme' - Martin Austwick
'Chocolate Rain' [instrumental] - Tay Zonday
'Gangnam Style' [instrumental] - PSY
'Friday' - The Sound of the Ladies cover, original Rebecca Black
Allusionist 2: Bosom Holder
Today, we learn how 'bra' went from meaning a piece of French armour to something sold at Victoria's Secret.
Bra expert Lori Smith gives us a peek beneath the blouses of yore, from bra-boning to bra-burning.
Here's the first recorded appearance of the word 'brassiere', in Vogue from 23rd May 1907:
Fancy making your own hankie bra, a la Mary Phelps Jacobs? Here's the pattern. Or the blueprints for a power station, I'm not sure.
Here's an instructional video to help you:
Nope, not a clue.
Additional reading:
They discovered a medieval bra, AKA 'breastbags'.
Here's an interesting potted history of the bra, and here's a brief history of knickers that includes an illustration of a woman relieving herself into what looks like a gravyboat.
Mary Phelps Jacobs changed her name to Caresse Crosby and went on to have an intriguing, turbulent life - patenting the first brassiere was certainly not the pinnacle of her achievements.
RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
limnology
CREDITS
Presented and produced by Helen Zaltzman.
Bra master Lori Smith blogs at rarelywearslipstick.com and tweets at @lipsticklori.
Thanks to Amber Butchart and Greg Jenner.
MUSIC
'Allusionist Theme' - Martin Austwick
'Underwear' - Magnetic Fields
'Underneath Your Clothes' [Instrumental] - Shakira
'Underwear' - Pulp
- HZ
Allusionist 1: Ban The Pun
When it emerged I was going to make the Allusionist, I got a lot of people asking me, "Are there going to be puns in it?"
“No,” I cried! “No! I hate puns!”
This episode is about puns.
I thought if I got them out of the way, we might never need speak of them again.
Late last year, China announced puns are to be banned across all media. Frankly, I wish I could ban them in my own family. I spoke to my brother Andy and my dad Zack about their punning which has blighted my life since 1980.
Perhaps all Zaltzmans should be tested for Witzelsucht Disease.
If you're a glutton for punishment, some brave soul has edited together nearly TWO HOURS of Andy's puns from his podcast The Bugle, which you can listen to here. Warning: high dose may prove fatal.
RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
gralloch
CREDITS
Presented and produced by Helen Zaltzman.
Andy Zaltzman can be found touring, on The Bugle podcast and tweeting as @zaltzcricket and @hellobuglers.
Zack Zaltzman can be found in his studio trying out puns on his sculptures.
Thanks to Chris Skinner.
MUSIC
'Allusionist Theme' - Martin Austwick
'China In Your Hand' [Instrumental] - T'Pau
'Here' - Tindersticks
