Allusionist 4: Detonating the C-Bomb

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WARNING: this episode contains lots of swearing and words which some of you may find offensive. If, however, you love offensive words, you will enjoy this episode, which is all about how the C-word doesn't deserve to be the pariah of cusses.

WARNING: this episode is full of FOUL PROFANE LANGUAGE. I suggest you don't listen to it through loudspeakers at a christening.

Today I'm trying to figure out why 'cunt' is considered to be a ruder swear word than others like 'twat' which mean the same thing, or male equivalents like 'dick' and 'knob'. A few hundred years ago, cunt was sufficiently not-rude that there were streets named Gropecunt Lane in most of Britain's major market towns; yet now, it is top tier of the hierarchy of offensiveness. But maybe in another few hundred years, it will have been supplanted by 'swear word' or 'Jeff'. Find out why: listen now via iTunes, miscellaneous podcast directories, or RSS.

SUPPLEMENTARY ENTERTAINMENT:

• If you enjoyed hearing about Gropecunt Lane, then I'm sure you'll like the triumphant tale of Tickle Cock Bridge.

• There's a very interesting discussion of 'bloody' and other religious swear words on episode 44 of the brilliant podcast No Such Thing As A Fish.

• Study TS Eliot's poem 'The Triumph of Bullshit'.

• See Eve Ensler perform The Vagina Monologues.

• Worried about whether to spell bellend 'bellend', 'bell-end' or 'bell end'? The editor of the Sunday Sport has the definitive answer.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD OF THE DAY:
maskinonge

Share your thoughts with me at facebook.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/allusionistshow.

- HZ

CREDITS

• Presented and produced by Helen Zaltzman.

• Leon Wilson helms such bawdy television shows as Celebrity Juice.

• Jane Garvey uses only the most fragrant language when she presents Woman's Hour on BBC Radio 4. Her range of cockwipes will be in stores soon.

• Thanks to all the people who contributed their rudest swear word, including the good people of Maximum Fun, but especially Tom Jenkinson's mum.

Allusionist 3: Going Viral

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Remember when 'viral' used to only mean something bad, IE something that would make you ill or destroy your computer? How things have changed. Tom Phillips from Buzzfeed UK explains the language they choose to make content go viral.

Remember when 'viral' used to only mean something bad, eg. something that would make you ill or destroy your computer?

How things have changed. Tom Phillips from BuzzFeed UK explains how they choose the language to make their content go viral. Why does Buzzfeed steer clear of round numbers, sarcasm and irony? Will the internet ever reach Peak Hyperbole? What's the curiosity gap and how do you cross it? Find out all by listening to the show via iTunes, through your favoured podcast directory, or via RSS.

A bit of additional reading:

• Buzzfeed not only analyses its own language, but also that of White House press secretaries to discover which president's regime is the cagiest.

• Here's BuzzFeed's style guide, for your interest.

• If you can't be bothered to study it, Time has interpreted its linguistic signifance for you.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
bavardage

Despite my mild cynicism in this episode about the imperative to share content far and wide, you are of course more than welcome to share this episode - and to say hi at facebook.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/allusionistshow.

- HZ

CREDITS

• Presented and produced by Helen Zaltzman.

• Tom Phillips is editorial director at BuzzFeed UK. Read his posts, and he tweets as @flashboy.

• Roman Mars roman marses every week on 99% Invisible, and tweets as @romanmars.

MUSIC

• 'Allusionist Theme' - Martin Austwick

• 'Chocolate Rain' [instrumental] - Tay Zonday

• 'Gangnam Style' [instrumental] - PSY

• 'Friday' - The Sound of the Ladies cover, original Rebecca Black

Allusionist 2: Bosom Holder

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There are many synonyms for 'underwear'. There are many synonyms for the body parts you keep in your underwear. But there's only one word for 'bra'. Visit http://theallusionist.org/bras to find out more about this episode. Tweet @allusionistshow,

Today, we learn how 'bra' went from meaning a piece of French armour to something sold at Victoria's Secret.

Bra expert Lori Smith gives us a peek beneath the blouses of yore, from bra-boning to bra-burning.

Here's the first recorded appearance of the word 'brassiere', in Vogue from 23rd May 1907:

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Fancy making your own hankie bra, a la Mary Phelps Jacobs? Here's the pattern. Or the blueprints for a power station, I'm not sure.

View fullsize

Here's an instructional video to help you:

Nope, not a clue.

Additional reading:

• They discovered a medieval bra, AKA 'breastbags'.

• Here's an interesting potted history of the bra, and here's a brief history of knickers that includes an illustration of a woman relieving herself into what looks like a gravyboat.

• Mary Phelps Jacobs changed her name to Caresse Crosby and went on to have an intriguing, turbulent life - patenting the first brassiere was certainly not the pinnacle of her achievements.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
limnology

CREDITS

• Presented and produced by Helen Zaltzman.

• Bra master Lori Smith blogs at rarelywearslipstick.com and tweets at @lipsticklori.

• Thanks to Amber Butchart and Greg Jenner.

MUSIC

• 'Allusionist Theme' - Martin Austwick

• 'Underwear' - Magnetic Fields

• 'Underneath Your Clothes' [Instrumental] - Shakira

• 'Underwear' - Pulp

- HZ

Allusionist 1: Ban The Pun

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In late 2014, China announced it was to ban puns. Helen Zaltzman wishes she could ban puns in her own family. Warning: this episode features some hideous incidences of wordplay. Visit http://theallusionist.org/puns to find out more about this episode.

When it emerged I was going to make the Allusionist, I got a lot of people asking me, "Are there going to be puns in it?"

“No,” I cried! “No! I hate puns!”

This episode is about puns. 

I thought if I got them out of the way, we might never need speak of them again.

Late last year, China announced puns are to be banned across all media. Frankly, I wish I could ban them in my own family. I spoke to my brother Andy and my dad Zack about their punning which has blighted my life since 1980.

Perhaps all Zaltzmans should be tested for Witzelsucht Disease.

If you're a glutton for punishment, some brave soul has edited together nearly TWO HOURS of Andy's puns from his podcast The Bugle, which you can listen to here. Warning: high dose may prove fatal.

RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
gralloch

CREDITS

• Presented and produced by Helen Zaltzman.

• Andy Zaltzman can be found touring, on The Bugle podcast and tweeting as @zaltzcricket and @hellobuglers.

• Zack Zaltzman can be found in his studio trying out puns on his sculptures.

• Thanks to Chris Skinner.

MUSIC

• 'Allusionist Theme' - Martin Austwick

• 'China In Your Hand' [Instrumental] - T'Pau

• 'Here' - Tindersticks

- HZ